What’s this chapter of your singleness called ?
I’m single again! I just got out of a very short lived relationship that lasted a grand total of 4 months. I’m not going to lie, it still hurt but not as bad as my very first heart break. However this one ended via text! How low can you go?!
As I get older I come to realize that if someone doesn’t want to be in my life, let them go. I have no energy left to waste trying to convince anyone of my worth. At the tender age of 28 I think I’m finally at the point where I’m learning that how I treat myself will set the tone for how a man will. I’m a big time giver. I can not help myself, I will give give give and get bare minimal to nothing back. And let me tell you I’m a simple woman, a bouquet of flowers, some dinner and quality time will put a big smile on my face! So if someone doesn’t care to keep that smile on my face, be gone. Like my brother always tells me I’m the lead singer. So in other words I’m the star and should be treated as such. Even though the relationship was short it wasn’t all in vain, I did learn a lesson or two!
Lesson#1: I learned communication is extremely important. Unlike most women I am not a woman of many words. I am the type to get upset and shut down completely until I feel like talking. I’m too afraid to express my feelings for fear that they won’t be understood. Ultimately it’s unfair to feel a certain way and expect my mate to understand or know why I feel that way. I was really trying to work on this during this relationship, I truly was but it was effort towards the wrong man.
Lesson #2: I learned not to pass my daddy issues on to my next mate. I never recognized I was disappointing myself because I was expecting my mate to do things I wanted my father to do. I recently watched a video on Facebook with Jada Smith called the Red table. She touched on how forgiving her father played a major part in healing herself which made her relationship with Will better. I’ve struggled with my relationship with my father my whole life. However it took me up until recently to release my anger towards him and forgive him. I was upset because of his lack of parental skills. In the end all it was doing was making me evil. Like I said before it’s unfair for me to feel a certain way and not express it to the person who made me feel that way. It took me years to get to this point and no it is not easy. Forgiveness is hard but is rewarding in the end. Who am I to expect God to forgive me over and over but I refuse to forgive?
Besides the cliche things people want in a relationship; self love, communication, and forgiveness are needed too. To practice self love, I decided to buy flowers for myself twice a month. Why not buy something that I love for myself. Far as communication I’m working on expressing my feelings no matter how small and with no attitude behind it. Lastly, forgiveness. I decided to try therapy. The relationship with my dad is moving slowly towards a better space. I’m done hurting myself and hindering my growth. I’m working on being the best wife but first I have to be the best Domonique.
CHAPTER 28: The Revamp